accepting my position in my life...

my position... where should i start?? at school?? a freaky girl with the dorky face and glasses... or maybe at home?? the little girl who can't fit in with her own brothers and sisters anymore because she's just a kid... yes, for them, an 11-year-old is still a small kid.. but today, i wanna tell you all about a person, she hurt me so badly, and i can't live without forgiving her but yet it's so hard to do that..i'm gonna refer to this person as 'she' for now... you shouldn't know who she is..
everyone considers me and some other things as stuff that matters a lot to her... and she tells me that a lot too, but when someone like a close neighbor cried, as soon as she saw her cry, she hugged her real tight and asked her what's wrong... she didn't do that to me for a very very very long time... as soon as she saw or heard me cry, she left... she doesn't want to hear me weep, or cry... that's the problem, people expects me to be an adult but treats me like a kid...
that's why i want you all to still thank God for what he did to you, because i know a whole BUNCH of you people are treated better than me... i'm not saying i'm suffering from my life, but it could be better...
i still say thank you to Jesus knowing that even though accepting my position in life is probably the hardest thing i have to do for a lifetime, i'm still considered somehow lucky than a lot of people in the world..
give thanks to Him, you won't regret it... and don't blame someone because your life's not getting better, but try to push harder and someday, your work will be worth it...


LIFE HAS ITS OWN PATH, ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS CHOOSE THE RIGHT WAYS..

WILL YOU SURVIVE IN THIS CAMP? ABSOLUTELY YES!!

Kemarin aku baru aja pulang dari camp/retreat/whatever terserahlah bilangnya apa, itu nama camp'nya itu Camp Daniel.
Di Camp Daniel ini, itu camp terseru, terhebat yang pernah aku ikuti.. Aku masuk kelompok L sama tmen2 aku, di kamar D1. Aku juga jadinya dapet temen2 baru dari kamar D2, sama kakak-kakak yang seru dan baik..
mereka punya semacam 'motto' yaitu kalo mereka nanya: "WILL YOU SURVIVE IN THIS CAMP??" kita harus jawab "ABSOLUTELY YES!" jadi begitu deh..
di hari pertama, yaitu tanggal 12 juni... semua udah ngumpul di lobby graha pemulihan jam 12.30 atau sekitar jam segituan.. mereka dapet tas 'Metamorfokid, Transforming Children in Christ' yang warnanya biru terus ada nama kita di bawahnya! habis gitu, kita juga dapet name tag! ada nama kita pastinya, nomer pendaftaran kita, aku anak ke-5 yg daftar, habis gitu ada tulisan Camp Daniel, The Outstanding One, terus ada huruf kelompokku yaitu kelompok L, sama nomer kamar yaitu D1..
Aku punya banyak banget yang mau diceritain... tp kok perasaan kalo diceritain lewat blog ato SMS gitu kok jadi males gitu ya?? mending ngomong aja deh... klo mau tau aku ngapain aja di camp, tanya sendiri yaa..!

hi grandma..

Oma, oma lagi ngapain disitu?? Oma seneng gak? Pasti, soalnya gak mungkin gak... Oma, gak kerasa ya udah 40 hari (lebih dikit) sejak oma dipanggil sama Tuhan.. Oma, aku waktu nanti bertahun-tahun lagi ketemu oma, bikinin pudding ya! hahaha.. aku, Nadine, Richo (kalo ngerti), sama semua orang udah kangen sama oma, tapi gak apa-apa kok, kita janji gak sering-sering sedih atau nangis...

Aku udah kangen banget sama oma pokoknya, soalnya selain oma, aku udah gak punya grandma lain lagi! Tapi gak apa-apa kan, pokoknya oma seneng, daripada kalo disini, tambah banyak kesakitan, dll. Rasanya lebih baik buat oma kalo oma diatas situ, bisa ketemu orang tua, saudara-saudara yang udah lama gak ketemu, dan siapapun yang oma kenal.. Oma juga ketemu daddy ya oma?? Daddy gimana oma? Rambutnya udah putih semua belum? Atau masih ada hitam2 dikiiit, gitu!!

Oma, aku habis baca tulisannya mami tentang oma, aku hampir aja nangis, tapi gak kok, bisa tahaaan... Aku waktu baca itu, jadi inget dulu aku di rumahnya oma, duduk-duduk, makan bareng, habis gitu kalo aku dateng, oma langsung berdiri, langsung aku dipeluk, terus kalo aku mau pulang, aku keliatan muka oma kok kayak mau nangis gitu ya? Mungkin oma kangen, gak papa kan oma, paling juga aku setiap liburan mau kesitu!!

Waktu ketemu oma sama opa, aku jadi seneng! Di rumah terus kan bisa bosen, jadi waktu ke rumah oma opa rasanya enak, terus betah aja!!

Oma, makasih udah jadi oma yang baik buat aku, makasih banget.. Maafin kalo aku pernah bikin kecewa, ato menyinggung, ato apapun, tapi oma..makasih & maaf ya...

Joanne~

Dear dad..

dear dad,

how are you up there dad?? Is it good?? Wow, I'm so curious what it looks like up there. I saw movies and video clips, it says there that we'll see 2 roads, 1 goes up and another one goes down. And yes, I clearly would rather choose the one going up... I hope you did, but who wouldn't?? But maybe it's a little bit different, I don't know, I've never been there, haha...

Dad, is it okay for me not being up there to accompany you? You have to admit, I have been accompanying you for 7 years, maybe that's enough?? But I hope you're happy up there with grandma, grandpa, and the others, dad. I know it's been a hard time without you, but I tried not to be sad all the time...

Mom said, if I'm sad then you're sad. So, I'll try not to do that.. (I said I'll try, doesn't mean I'll do it immediately!) Mom had the headache today, PLENTY of it... She said so, she got a headache and she felt dizzy too... Not to mention she's REALLY busy day and night and day...and night!

She has a lot going on dad, can you help her a little bit? I don't know how, but can you ask Jesus for help? For mom, she got a 911 situation...

Well dad, it's been 3 years and I missed you so much, you know that... And since I've been living here with mom, things kinda' changed. Like the fact that mom completely gave the rooms in our house a makeover! Haha, but I miss you thou, me and mom miss you... a LOT!

I just don't like the fact that I have to wait for YEARS until I see you up there again. Should I really wait that long? But don't get me wrong, I don't wanna die too!!

But I hope after 50-80 years later, I'll see you when I'm ready. At least when Jesus officially said my work is done too... I've been through a LOT with my friends at school for the past 3 years, and I wish I can tell you about ALL of them but, I guess some other time??

Bye dad, enjoy your life up there with all the good people. Must be exciting to see them... And see you soon (not that soon thou)... Bye bye!

Joanne~